<3

Three years ago, my life was in sort of a dark spot. I had so many problems. I was extremely depressed; suicidal, even. I was a totally different person. Yeah, sure, I take meds for depression and they do their job most days, but back then it was a whole different story. I was fighting with my stepfather, fighting with people in school, in a bad relationship with someone who wanted control over me (and pretty much had it), and I felt I had no voice. Long story short, I was a mess. Then I ended that relationship, transferred schools, and things cooled down with my stepfather. I was still kind of drifting through life. It wasn't nearly as bad as before, but I was still depressed. About a year of that, then my friend calls me to hang out.
She comes and gets me, and says we're going to go meet a friend of hers at the beach. We're halfway there, she calls him up and we all meet at some K-Mart. It was funny because I didn't know this dude at all. Just a name. There was something about him. I don't know what it was, I still don't. That day we spent the day cruising the strip, yelling at passers-by, and blaring music down the road. He and I hit it off pretty well. That night, I think it was by IM, he asked if I wanted to go to the mall or something. I texted him the directions to my house the next day. I had just met him the day before, and here I was getting ready to get into his car. Didn't know him well, who he was, or what he did. I could have had a number of things happen. I was SO stupid.
That was both the dumbest and best thing I ever did, and Iwill NEVER do it again. A month later he asked me out. Almost two years later we're still together, and serious about each other. He is really the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. He loves me for who I am; not what I have. He sacrifices so much for me. It's so unreal. He comes to get me almost every day (I can't drive 'til Sept.), he's on me about my college work, he looks out for my well-being, and he just does SO much to help me with everything he can. Two years we've been together, and he STILL opens doors. He's intelligent, trustworthy, empathetic, kind; almost too good to be true! I still don't know what I did to deserve him. We communicate awesomely, if there's a problem, we solve it. He has the biggest heart of most people I know. Every time he sees a donation box, he puts some change in. He calls it "giving to the shorties" if it's a childrens' fund. He's everything I'd hoped for, no, prayed for.

There IS a God, and he sent me Corey.

Stubborn and Stupid.

Next time I go outside mid-afternoon, I'm DEFINITELY taking some sunscreen. This time I learned my lesson. Mom had warned me before, but who listens to mom? This time my boyfriend warned me. My still-stubborn mind was set in the usual "I'm tough, I'll be fine" mode. I had burned my face a little the day before, and I figured it couldn't get much worse. I was dead wrong. Woke up the next morning and my face was SO swollen. At the time it was not funny. It sucked. I just wanted to go bury myself. I looked like some mutant off of some horror movie. One side more swollen than the other. Now, I look at the pictures I took (you won't be seeing thoooose) and laugh at how dumb that was. Guess I'm not as tough as I thought. >_<'

Buddha had nothing on my face.

All Muslims are Terrorists; Especially My Stepfather!!

I really don't see the appeal. Why do humans hate each other? What's up with the hatred for Muslims? My stepdad is Muslim, he's from Morocco. One verrry tolerant country, by the way. (They have Christian churches and Synagogues! in Morocco.) Anyway, He gets looks in public. I see it. It takes a lot not to walk up to them and say "You got a problem with my stepfather, you prick?!" I just want everyone to leave the man alone. Just because he believes in Al'lah (which is a TRANSLATION for God!) doesn't mean he's gonna go tacka bomb to the doors of the White House. He won't, believe me. He's pretty much the kindest person I know. He LOVES the United States. When he got his citizenship, he cried. Yeah, he CRIED. Cried because finally, he was, no, IS American. I think one of the best times of my life was when he married my mom. She couldn't have picked a better man. Sure, there are some culture clashes, but he's just looking out for his daughters (My sister and me). He's here fo me, he talks to me and took the place of my father who wasn't really there for me. How could one look at a man like him and believe he could kill?

Besides, all of the other muslims I know who emigrated to the US love this God-forsaken place. They love a place where they are constantly under surveillance, picked out and checked at airports looked at and feared as terrorists. They don't deserve it. No one does.

Heh, the CIA, FBI, Homeland Bullsecurity, and whoever else ought to be lookin' at everyone. I bet there are maaany white terrorist cells who get past security with a tip of their hat and a smile.

Re-evaluate your mind before you look at another person.

And think.

So, Uh, How 'bout That Epilepsy...

It suh-huuucks! I bet many of you know it does too. Many of you probably have it a bit worse. I'm almost 21 years old, and I can't drink OR drive. I'd never do both at once. Tooo risky and stupid. Anyway. Seizures are scary. You never know when one will hit until it does. I have petite ones, but I'm SO afraid that one day I'll drop into a grand mal. Like the rant before this post, as I thouroughly explained, the meds SUCK to take. The pills get stuck in my throat. I guess i'll take a few nastybad pills over a nastyworse seizure anyday. Haha. Now, I'm not writing this post for pity, so don't. I'm just writing looking for people who know the feeling. To see how to get over the social anxiety and depression that goes with it.

DON'T pity me, identify, kthx.

Oh, and thanks for readin' this!

¡Mucho apreció!

Wrote this the 1st semester in college...

Untitled

The crickets star in the nighttime symphony
yet no one is listening.
They sing of seasons change;
they sing of seasons passed.
They warn of disaster not too far away.
No one listens anymore.
The bittersweet cry becomes distant as the sounds of the city grow.
The stars shed no more light on the stage
the concert has fewer visitors.
No one listens anymore.
The crickets are beginning to quiet
dying from the toxins of machine giants.
Now it’s too late to listen.

Their song is sorely missed.

Ugh.

WARNING: VENTING IS IMMINENT.

Having mental illnesses suck. Yeah, it could be a lot worse, but it's there. The depression, epilepsy and narcolepsy-- and God knows what else may be lurking around my mind waiting to say "Hello! You're screwed now!"

Pills in the morning, pills in the evening, pills at suppertime. God I hated that bagel-bites jingle. Anyway they suck. They make me gag. I like the liquid sleep med I take. Sends me off to dreamland. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like knowing all the pills are helping; it's just that I wish I could make all of them into a small dose in a syringe and take a needle in then arm once a night. n_n Needles are Way better than pills.

Dammit.